Was having a quiet tea in Starbucks in the Kemp Town area of Brighton today (7 July), just people watching through the window and generally trying to relax, but soon this menial task became impossible. A beaded leather-faced American with red socks, white trousers and pale-green jacket appeared and quickly sat in a corner screeching into his mobile. The drawl was Southern and quite irritating. He continued to bark into his mobile (cell phone), explaining that he was a fantastic salesman. In 5 minutes I counted 6 “I can sell real well” statements, I’m already tempted to shove a couple of wooden stirrers deep into his nostrils, deep enough to penetrate the membrane to his dormant brain. Jesus, he’s just informed “Barrrrrb” that he is so good that he can sell coffee beans to the Colombians. I still haven’t worked out what he sells, if he sells anything it all, in fact “Barrrrrb” could be a hallucination, but he’s probably into processed foods, it was just something he said earlier.
After a while he loses connection to the delight of everyone in the coffee shop, but his persistence in ringing back “Barrrrrb” pays off. Oh great, he’s now attached some sort of Bluetooth gadget to his ear to make him hands free, now he can gesticulate, making his performance even more spectacular. As he stands to search for something in his pocket he begins to resemble a Borg from Star Trek: The Next Generation, most bizarre. I leave before any eye contact can be made.
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