In a mad rush today, (28 June 2011) one of those insane 5 minute lunch breaks where you skate into the local supermarket, grab a low fat sandwich, diet Coke and a large bar of chocolate then dash back to the office but it wasn’t going to happen to me. I was third in the queue. The obese sloth with shoulder and chest acne officially approved by the Black Death of 1348 was lazily checking lottery tickets from around the same century whilst Garlic Man behind me wheezed “Jesus” onto the nape of my neck. Convinced there was a fault with the lottery machine the sloth eventually gave up just before slithering off towards the exit. The sloth gave way to an 82 year old man with an equally old blue pin-stripped double-breasted jacket, lime-coloured jogging bottoms and a pair of tatty trainers. Make no mistake this old git did not hang around and I could fully appreciate why. He paid cash for 3 items: 1 Mars Bar, fair enough, a pair of “reduced” courgettes, and ……… a box of ribbed condoms (12), what the fuck!!!!!! I’m not kidding, this skeleton was well over 80 and struggled to lift the box of condoms onto the counter! And yes the mind will always boggle when this situation occurs – combine the items in the old git’s shopping basket and you get one sick mess and one massive lunch time appetite suppressant!
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