Tuesday 12 July 2011

Fattest Bastard On The Beach Today


The heat on the beach in Villefranche today (16 May) is stifling. I cool off by waddling into the sea, floating for a while then always returning to my space to dry off. Then there would be a sense of appreciation, when looking down at my legs, a little red but still toned, almost athletic; looking further up is always a mistake though. I must have some sort of bloating condition or terminal water retention illness because my gut is expanding at an alarming rate even though I’m hardly eating. I look around and marvel at all the many healthy bodies, slim and in proportion – all ages, little fat to be seen anywhere, Jesus I must be the fattest on the beach today. I breathe in and allow my blubber to drop into the cavity below the ribcage, and then I try to summon the fat to stay there when rolling over but it has a will of its own as it spills over onto the warm sand. Think I will treat myself to a couple of Cornettos to get over this eternal misery.

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